Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Went to school today feeling very sick and stress lol...im literally and physically sick. Recently i keep getting headaches and 'black outs'. Keep on stoning for nothing and what worst is that i feel like i can faint any moment. Like what happened last friday when i was on the MRT train.
I know some people might not like it bah i still want to say, i really need JESUS in my life...if not my life would be destroyed. Im so sick and tired of being afraid that others might get unhappy if i mention things about Jesus. If not happy then just stay away from me then, sorry if i dont sound nice, my emotions are not very stable now.
Without being right with God, my everything seems wrong. Whatever i do is disaster, my life starts changing, i become more and more worldy, not Christian like. Instead of being different, i behave just like any other teenages or even worst. MY LIFE IS IN A MESS NOW! I NEED JESUS! ='(
I want someone to listen to me, i want to just explode myself to someone. I really want someone to just be here for me when i need him/her, dont have to be 100% around, but atleast listen to my craps for awhile. But right now i cant do it, i've lost my freedom of speech. So many so many things i cant say, im afraid to say. I dont wanna make people unhappy. AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I regretted telling that lie, i really did...i shouldnt have turned from God, i shouldnt have choose this path. I should have continue praying for steph to get saved instead of ignoring the fact that shes a non-christian. But she is a very very very good girl and i Love her extremely much. To me, her behaviour and attitude might even be better than other christians. And i dont mind just being together with her my entire life, i seriously dont feel that shes affecting my walk with God. Only thing is that i cant get very very spiritual because she would give me that look and then she will start feeling uneasy inside. Maybe thats a kind of hinder? I dunno lar...im so so palia fed up now.
I know if steph is reading this post, she would most probably be crying again and hurting inside. I dare block this because not many people have access to my blog. I just wanna tell you that i love you very very much and im just venting
29o1o7 <3. I really love you alot alot thats why we are still together
8:04 PM
Monday, September 10, 2007
Yup, my title says it all, no more freedom. No more freedom to speak whatever i want, no more freedom to do whatever i want. Stress, Work, loads of Work, is tying me down. Ever since that day when i announced that news, i lost my freedom of speech, i cannot say whatever i want. I am no longer a free man...instead, i need to live everyday fearing that someone would expose my secret.
This kind of life really sucks man...but no choice. I have to admit and confess, i told a lie...and i felt the consequences of it already. I've been tied down by the lie, it has prevented me from saying whatever i like, speaking out the truth. Leaving me no choice but to even do this to my blog. Only people whom i've invited can read my blog...i really got no choice. Im so damn sick of this...sometimes i do regretted telling that lie...but i really had no choice...i have to please everybody. I know all i need is to please God so that my rewards are in Heaven. But how can i not please everyone so that i can have a better life on Earth before having eternal life in Heaven.
Even while im blogging about this...im afraid...im afraid that anyone thats not allowed to be in my blog happens to gain access to it. Haix.
I really have alot of things to do...Art, holiday homework, tuition homework. Whats worst is that, theres Art lesson and tuition tomorrow. This is really driving me crazy, i wanna just quit tuition but im afraid i might need it to pull my maths results up. But im somehow confident of advancing to Secondary 4 express next year. But at the same time i dont wanna be over confident. Life is getting harder and harder for me.
Whats even worst is that everyday when im in school, i need to face some, actually its A, sickening classmate which thinks he's Mr Popular but the fact is that everyone dislikes him. He is nothing but a big bully who only knows how terrorises other smaller size people. Haix, enough of him bah...maybe next time i'll scold more =p. Im tired now...gotta go sleep le.
29o1o7 <3. I Love you, my dearly beloved =)
6:39 PM
